From one who found themselves being exactly the same way for exactly the same reason, kudos to you for putting it into words so very well. Cheers also for figuring it out, and dealing with it. I did also - and although I have never been able to express this process in words like you have - I can tell you it works. 18 years later I am very happily in an 8 year (so far) long, totally mutually supportive, truly loving and respectful marriage. We don't fight. We talk. We're honest. We let each other be. We catch ourselves, and each other, when old habits like this poke their heads up, which they occasionally will. Best of everything to you for your (way brighter) future.